I want to feel nothing

Tanda2 nak period mcm dh muncul... jerawat kat dahi (selalu sebijik je,.. ni 3-4 bijik) ... expected period day is Wed, 4/4/12.. haish.. lagi 2 hari je ni... Tapi sakit2 belakang blm muncul lg..

Everyday I recited doa Nabi Zakaria.. sampai dah hapal.... dgn harapan kali ni Allah perkenankan doa.... Nervous > takut mengharap > takut sedey ... :(

My last UPT was back in 2010. I stopped the test to avoid being sad ... and feeling like such a loser.. each time i saw the 1-BFN line.....

In a week i must confront my fear... either when my period eventually come... or if still no period by 13/4 , take the UPT at LPPKN..

I want to feel nothing................... but i know it's impossible......